


Like the Water

by dogstarr



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen or Pre-Slash, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 20:38:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4033807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogstarr/pseuds/dogstarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And off-world mission brings unexpected challenges that cause Colonel Jack O'Neill question his own reality and face a difficult truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like the Water

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure that this is actually finished, but here it is. Title taken from the Wendell Berry poem of the same name.

“I get it Daniel, I get it.” 

Jack leaned into the briefing room table, pausing for effect, his fingertips pressed together. ‘The aliens are both touchy, and feely.” 

No one laughed out loud, but Jack felt amusement ripple along the briefing room table. And he saw all eyes turn toward Daniel, waiting. God this was fun. Even putting up with touchy-feely aliens was going to be worth the teasing he could inflict on Daniel now.

Daniel let out an exasperated grunt, threw up his hands and slammed back into his chair. He breathed deeply, collecting himself, and leaned forward, both arms on the table, fingers pressed together. If anyone noticed that the two men’s postures mirrored one another, they kept it to themselves. “Jack” Daniel began quietly, emphasizing each word, “first of all, they are not aliens, they are Celians and physicality is the essence of their interactions…” Daniel’s voice rose as he spoke, gaining speed and warmth, “social, cultural, political and otherwise. There is some data to suggest that touch is a vital part of their physical health. In any case, it is deeply revered in their culture and is used for expression in all sorts of interactions, not just sexual…”

Jack leaned back in his chair, tuning out as Daniel ranted on. God the man was an easy target. Bullies must have seen him coming a mile away. No wonder he had a hard time in school. Even now Jack marveled at Daniel’s inability to suppress ire. He knew Jack lived to taunt him, but Daniel still couldn’t let it go. So Jack watched as he ranted on, no longer even trying to suppress his gesturing. And Jack could watch Daniel’s face for hours. It was like reading a really exciting book. In fact, Daniel quoting the phone book would probably be mesmerizing. Which was why Jack couldn’t resist the teasing. There was just something beautiful and satisfying about watching Daniel loose it… Jack snapped back into the meeting, reining in his thoughts. 

“so Jack,” Daniel was concluding, “what I need to know is, can you behave yourself and handle all this on Celian? These negotiations are critical and will call for restraint and tact.”

In the silence, the eyes in the room bounced to Jack. He took a breath and decided to end the torture, straightening in his seat. “I’ll behave myself Daniel. And be a good little guest of the …. Celians.” His tone was serious, although his words were not. Jack saw Daniel’s shoulders relax, and knew it was enough. Everyone else in the room took a breath and settled back in their seats. “But you better go over those Celian customs again for me. I might have tuned out on some of that.” There was outright laughter this time. Daniel didn’t join in, but he smiled down at the table, not looking at Jack when he said quietly, “what a surprise.” 

 

“Problem SG-1?” Hammond miked in from the control room. 

“Daniel’s late” Jack snapped back, “but Carter says he’s on his way.” Arm resting over his P-90, Jack swiveled away from the sharp glance his 2IC shot his way. He ignored her. He had the rank to be cranky if he felt like it. And could Daniel be any more aggravating? 0-800 meant 0-800, not seven after. He had sat patiently through Daniel’s lecture on Celian social customs the day before, really paying attention this time, and this was the thanks he got. This was not a mission he was looking forward to and this was a bad, bad start. Visions of being pawed by hords of Celians were ramping up his irritation fast. Damn it, Daniel needed to be here now! 

As he opened his lips to send Tealc to round him up, and not kindly, Daniel scurried in, pulling on his hat and swinging his vest over his shoulder. I know, I know Jack, I’m sorry, but I had a good reason.’ 

“Can it Daniel, I’m not in the mood. Can we go now?” 

“After you” Daniel said smoothly, waving his hand in the direction of the gate. Jack shook his head and stalked up the ramp, but heard Daniel say “Jeez, don’t snap at me just because…” before the wormhole grabbed him. ‘…you’re nervous about this mission’ …. Daniel finished as he came through the gate behind him. 

Today could be the day he shot Daniel. It really could. Jack swung around. “Nervous, what are you babbling about?” His voice sounded screechier than intended, which did not help his mood. Carter and Tealc moved out from the Stargate and waited for this to play out, hands relaxed on their weapons. Daniel squared his shoulders and said with a smile, “You’re nervous about the Celians touching you.” 

“I am not.”

“Yes you are and that’s why you’re cranky.”

Cranky!” Jack was aware that he had been reduced to one word utterances, but too rattled to care. When had he lost control of this conversation? Oh right, never had it. He wondered briefly if this was payback for Daniel-bating the day before and glared as menacingly as possible at Daniel through his sunglasses.

“I’m not cranky, I’m trying to get this mission underway and therefore, over with.”

“Because you’re nervous about the Celian’s touching you?”

“No!

“…Because it’s a normal reaction, Jack, you’re used to threat assessment and keeping your distance and controlling a situation. That’s going to be more difficult here, as close as the Celians like to get to other people.”

OK, Jack was sure now that Daniel was twisting the knife. Really, today might be the day.

“just relax Jack. You might enjoy it.” 

Jack turned without a word and stormed off down the trail toward the Celian settlement, so he missed Daniel’s soft laughter. Carter patted Daniel on the shoulder as she walked past, “Nice job” she smiled, “Just make sure you make it up to him, because I can’t take three days of this mood.” 

“Indeed” Tealc echoed.

It was an easy, five mile hike in to the Celian capital city. Daniel, who had spent several weeks as a guest there, chattered to Sam about his experiences. Tealc, who asked a pointed a question or two as they moved along, only had to reach out and steady Daniel once when he lost track of his footing along the mostly even trail. Jack sauntered slightly ahead, but not out of hearing range, projecting aggressive vigilance as he swung his P-90 purposely back and forth across the trail. “You know,” said Daniel raising his voice to make sure Jack heard, “you’ll have to surrender your weapons when we enter the settlement. The Celians will insist, and it will be an important gesture of trust towards them.” Sam nodded her assurance, while Tealc and Jack exchanged glances. Yah, Jack thought, surrender all the weapons you know about.

“And let me just remind everyone that touch and physical closeness has a totally different reference point for the Celians than it does in either T’rai or Chulak society.” 

“Not again. Christ.” Jack snapped. He still had not spoken to Daniel directly since the exchange at the Stargate. Daniel ignored him, raising his voice for emphasis. “Our society’s tend to use touch and physical closeness to express power in relationships. Mostly, the more power you have, the further others stand from you and the less others touch you. It’s a sign of respect. Celian society is not like this. I admit, its a bit hard to get used to, but once you realize that to them, touching is, more like…. breathing, it makes it easy to accept.”

“So what should we expect,” Sam asked, “exactly.” 

“They will be standing very close to on another, touch often and have hands on each others forearms or shoulders. This goes for men, women and every combination. You don’t have to be embarrassed by this, its perfectly normal to them. And there seem to be no prohibitions between the genders regarding touch, although the only paired adults that I witnessed were male-female.”

“Well, at least we have that” Jack quipped.

“Jack, it’s not going to matter. To you, to us, it’s going to look like these people are all over each other. But it’s not that. I believe they need the skin interaction to remain healthy. When I was here, I was just looking into literature suggesting that there is a physiological component. That deprived of touch, these people get sick. Now that is not surprising, given studies of Earth culture that reinforce the health benefits of skin contact.

“Such as” Tealc asked.

“Lower blood pressure, enhanced immune response, higher production of serotonin” Carter chimed in. 

“That’s right. But besides the physical aspects, the ritual of touch is significant in Celian culture. Drawing back is an insult, which I learned the hard way.” Daniel laughed at the memory. “Likely on the first meeting, we will be approached for the letac. It’s a ritual greeting, like our handshake. Let me show you.” 

They all stopped and even Jack turned to listen. Daniel stepped towards him, ignoring the gun slung over his chest, and the glare. Jack tensed, squaring his shoulders as Daniel moved in. Daniel stood close enough so that their legs, torso and shoulders touched together. Jack steeled himself and didn’t move. He could do this. Daniel pulled away and turned to the others. “This is very important, no “Figure A” embraces, you must touch all the way up from your thighs to shoulders. We tend to avoid pressing geni… well, you get the idea”

Daniel turned around to face Jack again. Jack caught Daniel’s blue eyes and felt strange, ….warm and strange. Daniel was so close, but he couldn’t bring himself to move away like he should. “The greeting is like this.” Daniel cupped Jack’s face with both hands, brought his head close, and pressed his cheek into Jack’s. And lingered there. Jack felt a flush creep up his neckline. Daniel’s cheek was warm and Jack could feel the razor stubble along Daniel’s jaw. He willed himself to resist rubbing his cheek against Daniel’s and sensed an electric connection along their body, a center of warmth at his groin. Jesus, what the hell? Jack couldn’t move and felt the sting of tears in his eyes. Thank god he had sunglasses. What was Daniel thinking, picking him for this little demonstration? Why didn’t he try this act on Carter? And why, why, did this feel so…nice. 

After what seemed an eternity, Daniel pulled back. For a moment, he held Jack’s face gently between his fingertips and Jack saw that Daniel’s eyes were full of emotion too, but what one, he could not guess. “It’s important not to pull away too soon” Daniel’s voice was husky. He dropped his hands and eyes at the same time and turned to face Tealc and Sam. Jack took a sudden interest in his boots.

Daniel shrugged and said “that’s mostly it.”

“It’s kind of beautiful,” Sam said softly.

“Do you think so MajorCarter? I find this ritual disturbing. But it is of no concern Daniel Jackson, I can tolerate this exchange if it is essential to this mission.

“I think it is Tealc.”

“Then it will be endured.” 

“If it is any consolation, I believe this behavior evolved from the need to be sure that your enemy carried no weapons. If you want, think of it as a thorough pat down.” Daniel flashed his smile. Carter laughed and Tealc nodded at him with a half-smile of his own.

“I will do so, DanielJackson.” 

Daniel could feel Jack standing behind him, though he had not spoken since their broken embrace. Daniel was reluctant to turn to face him as the looming silence seemed to intensify. “Will that work for you Jack?” he ventured without turning around. There was no answer, and as Sam and Tealc moved forward and he was forced to turn, he saw that Jack had moved off down the trail. “Crap’ he said softly to himself, and hurried to catch up to the others.

They approached the city from a ridge that looked over grassland fields. In the distance, they could see a cluster of figures and banners collected at the entrance gate. “The welcoming committee” said Daniel, pointing. “These are most likely representatives of the government and high ranking families. They’ll escort us to the palace.” 

“Great” Jack said. “Let’s go and get this over with.”

While still out of earshot, but as they approached the group standing around the stone gateway, Jack issued final instructions. “Daniel,” he said, using his most no-nonsense colonel voice, but keeping his face relaxed and neutral, “you first for the meet and greet, then Carter, and Tealc and I will bring up the rear. Daniel, we’ll check things out while you do the talking. If I see anything, anything, I don’t like, we’re out of here. No argument.” They were used to this speech and even Daniel had nothing to say. He didn’t do it often but when Jack issued orders, there was no argument.

The Celian contingent consisted of 12-15 men and women who stood close in a group, each touching the other, as Daniel had warned. Except for two men who stood in front of the crowd. 

“You know these two Daniel?” Jack said under his breath.

“No, but it will be fine.” Daniel replied quietly, without turning his head.

Jack didn’t like the thought that Daniel felt he needed reassurance. “I’ll be the judge of that” he snarked, sotto voce as they came to stand in front of the ambassadors. 

Distracted first with scanning the crowd for trouble, Jack only noticed the youth of the two men at the front of the contingent as Daniel began his introductions. “These are my colleagues,” Daniel was saying, turning toward the rest of his team. “Major Samantha Carter ,this is Alec….?, the Celian Prince Regent, Her P-90 already resting swung over her back, Sam took a half step forward toward the young man. He smiled, but did not move toward her or even offer a hand. She stopped, confused, and offered a smile and half wave. “Hello” she said somewhat uncertainly. The young man nodded solemnly in acknowledgement.

“Teal’c of Chulak..” Daniel gestured towards the big man, who made no movement. 

Alec bowed slightly, “We are honored” he said.

“As am I” Teal’c returned, bowing his head.

“And this is Colonel Jack O’Neil” Daniel finished. Catching Jack’s eyes with a glance, Daniel raised his eyebrows, and as usual, Jack understood. Daniel had no idea about this unexpected protocol. They had not been touched once. 

“Nice to meet ya, Alec” Jack blurted, before the young man could say anything.

Colonel O’Neil,” he said with a slight smile, “I am pleased to meet you.” He bowed again, and continued. “I must explain and excuse my Father’s absence today.” The young man had been trained in diplomacy. He spoke formally and well, Jack noted, especially for someone who looked about 16. “He was called away unexpectedly on a diplomatic mission of some urgency, but will return three days from now. In the mean time, I will do all I can to make you welcome and comfortable during this unexpected delay.” 

The other young man, who had stood behind Alec for the exchange of pleasantries, remained silent. He had not been introduced. Jack kept his sunglasses on for all of this and glanced at the young man now. Standing slightly behind and to the side, the Celian kept a watchful eye on the Prince. Jack thought he looked troubled, an impression that intensified when the young man caught his stare and looked at Jack. His eyes wavered, and he looked toward the ground. This one was as young as the other one. Christ, Jack thought to himself, a three day delay in getting this mission over with, while being entertained by the boy scouts.

“Please, let us move out of the sun.” The Prince was saying. He turned and gestured towards the gateway, motioning SG-1 to accompany him toward the stone archway. The other young Celian waited for everyone to file past before he turned and followed at the rear of the group. Jack noted his position for safety’s sake.

Sentries posted at the gate dashed any hope Jack had of keeping his weapon. Alec paused and turned to them. “I understand it is not your custom, but we do not allow the bearing of weapons within our city walls. Please give your weapons to these men and they will keep them safe for you. You will have them back when you leave us.”

“We are happy to oblige” said Daniel in his diplomacy voice. Handle first, he handed over the only weapon he carried, his side knife. In turn, Carter and Tealc surrendered their P-90’s and sidearms. Jack hoped he looked “happy to oblige” when he slung his gun off his shoulder and handed it to the sentries. 

As they moved through the gate, the Celian dignitaries behind them began to talk quietly among themselves. A quick glance behind revealed that they had broken into small groups, all holding hands or walking close enough for shoulders to touch. Jack saw Daniel look back and then at their host, and narrow his eyes in confusion. Daniel was definitely puzzled, and getting to the bottom of this might give Daniel something to do over their three day delay. Jack knew Daniel well enough to know that he would not let it go until his “mis-interpretation” of Celian behavior could be explained. Hopefully, he would spare Jack the details. Jack glanced behind and saw that the young man from outside the gate still walked alone behind the rest of the group.

 

The prince regent showed them personally to their quarters, which Jack had to admit, were pretty sweet. Their four separate rooms were connected by heavy wooden doors, which stood open now, but could be closed at night for privacy. A large stone balcony in each of the rooms overlooked a cobbled square. Exotic looking fruits were piled in bowls on tables in each of the rooms and a large wash basin stood already filled with water. 

As SG-1 looked around, their host inquired as to whether the accommodations were satisfactory. As they stood nodding, Jack noticed that the un-named young man had re-joined them. When, Jack could not say, which made him a little nervous.

“I don’t believe we’ve met” Jack said, taking the offensive. The others turned to the young man, who stood quietly near the doorway. If he looked uncomfortable at the attention, the Prince Regent seemed even more so. He stepped forward with a strained smile and, as if he had forgotten something minor, said “Oh yes, my apologies. This is Danak. He had much to do with arranging your accommodations and has my thanks for that.”

Danak looked intently at the Prince, but seemed at a loss for words. Jack again had the sense that the young man was distressed. Daniel stepped forward to break the silence. 

“Danak, thank you” He said, flashing that disarming smile Jack had seen work miracles all over the galaxy. Daniel gestured around the room, “they’re lovely. You should not have gone to so much trouble.” 

With the attention on Daniel, Jack scrutinized the other men. Alec watched Danak intently, almost warily. And then Danak spoke, 

“The honor was mine” he said returning Daniel’s friendliness with a bow and the hint of a smile. He looked like he might step towards Daniel, but then glanced at his Prince. 

Who was suddenly a bluster of activity. “Come Danak,” he said, almost harshly. “We must let our guests relax after their journey.” He turned to SG-1, his voice once more controlled, said “I will see you are summoned for the evening meal. Please rest and refresh yourselves.” Without another word, Danak turned and strode from the room. The price followed close behind him.

“Thank you for your hosp….” The words died on Daniels lips, as their hosts exited the room without looking back.

“Well that was….interesting” Jack said. 

“Yes it was,” Carter echoed. She turned to Daniel, who was rubbing his chin, staring into space. “Daniel, did we offend them??” 

“I don’t know. I thought I had at least a perfunctory grasp of their social interactions when I left here. But this is not what I expected, as you probably know.” Daniel grew silent again, thinking.

Jack could see Daniel going over all the scenarios in his mind, wondering what he missed and most likely, blaming himself for any unintended slight.

“Well they didn’t seem mad at us” he said, more gently than he intended. Daniel flicked his eyes toward Jack, a bit of relief showing in his glance. Jack congratulated himself for interpreting Daniel correctly. 

“I thought something seemed wrong between those two from the start” Jack said.

“What? Why?” Daniel sputtered. 

“When you were doing the meet and greet out by the city walls, I was checking everyone out. I don’t wear these just to keep the sun out of my eyes you know” Jack tapped his sunglasses. “That guy, Danak, never took his eyes off the Prince. And he didn’t look real happy. And I couldn’t have been the only one who noticed the Prince jumped a mile when I introduced myself.”

“I did not notice jumping,” Tealc added, “but I did notice that they seemed agitated.”

“I don’t know what’s going on” Daniel was shaking his head. “Others in the party were, but Alec touched no one. Danak almost seemed like he moved toward me for the letac…. but then….” He trailed off, thinking again, then looked up suddenly. “This may be important if we want to negotiate successfully with the Celians. Did you notice that Alec never said what position Danak held? Is he a relative, a page, a secretary, a dignitary? Everyone else we were introduced to had a title. I need to find out more.”

Jack could sense freight train Daniel gearing up. “Don’t work yourself into a frenzy over this Daniel.” He said. “If they don’t want to touch us, I’m not complaining. And I don’t think anything too weird is going on here. Carter, Tealc? 

“I concur.”

“I agree, Sir.”

“So Daniel, you can poke around as long as one of us is with you or we know exactly where you have gone. Got it?”

“Sounds fine.” Daniel said, biting his thumbnail, still distracted.

“In the meantime, let’s get some shut-eye before the evening’s “grip and grin” begins.” Jack sized up his still-absorbed archeologist. “That means everyone Daniel. Keep the hallway doors locked and the doors between the rooms unlocked. Got it Daniel?”

“I got it, I got it.” Daniel waved Jack away. 

Jack sighed and rolled his eyes at his team mates. 

 

The evening’s festivities went very well. The banquet guests were polite and curious and as SG-1 mingled, they became more at ease. Even Jack had a pleasant moment or two. The touching didn’t seem so bad as soon as he realized what good massage these people gave. Every time Daniel looked at him, Jack seemed to have someone rubbing his shoulders. Daniel smiled to himself. He knew that Jack would not find this mission that bad once he relaxed. Jack was the most tactile person he knew, the only person Daniel could ever remember actually ruffling his hair. More than once. Daniel laughed out loud as Jack put his head in his hands, groaning as a Celian elder kneaded his neck and shoulders. 

“Your colonel seems to be enjoying himself.”

Daniel swung at the unexpected voice and saw Danak standing to the side, leaning against the stone wall of the banquet hall, his arms folded across his chest. The young man was dressed in a red and gold brocade tunic. In the low light of the banquet hall, his clothing mirrored the highlights in his dark hair. Green eyes were fixed and solemn, although he smiled. Daniel moved closer to talk.

“I thought Jack would enjoy himself once everyone got acquainted” he said. “Your people are gracious and kind and Jack responds well to those qualities.” Danak looked down to the floor in front of him, and said nothing.

Daniel tried again. 

“Have you seen Alec this evening?”

“I have. He is now crossing with Major Carter to speak with your Colonel O’Neill.” Daniel looked and saw that this was true, and he also noticed that as Danak said it, the young man was looking in exactly the opposite direction. Danak had an eye for recon that Jack would appreciate. Clearly, he kept a good eye on Alec. Maybe he was a body guard.

Daniel decided to be direct, since he was not having much luck with a round-about conversation. “I wanted to ask,” he said quietly, “did we offend you in someway in the rooms this afternoon? Alec seemed to leave abruptly. I wanted to assure you that we intended no insult.”

Danak straightened and fixed alarmed green eyes on Daniel’s face. 

“No” he said fiercely. “Please, do not be under the impression that you have caused offense. Alec would be horrified. No. Please.” He stopped and breathed deeply, and turned his head away from Daniel. The young Celian’s eyes were bright, and he lowered his head.

When he spoke, it was barely above a whisper, “It was my fault for intruding where I should not have.”

Daniel moved to stand next to Danak along the wall, so that their arms touched. Danak’s distress was evident. “I don’t understand” Daniel said, making sure he stayed in contact with the other man. 

Alec reached out to place a hand on Daniel’s forearm. “I know” he said, seeming to collect himself “and I am sorry. But please, this has nothing to do with your presence here, or the upcoming discussions.”

“I’ll take your word for that” Daniel said, hoping his voiced conveyed the sincerity he wanted to express, “I just wanted to make sure we have done nothing wrong.”

Danak was silent for a moment, then said sadly, “You have done nothing wrong.”

The young man’s distress troubled Daniel. Whatever was wrong, SG-1’s presence seemed to have created some tension that he hoped he could help resolve. He remembered then what Jack had said.

“Jack, uh, Colonel O’Neil, said that he thought there was something wrong between the two of you.”

Danak was quiet, his eyes again scanning the room. His face was a mask now. “Did he?” Danak forced smile, and Daniel knew it was a rhetorical question.

“Colonel O’Neill is more observant than I believed.”

“Yes. He fools a lot of people. But perception is a great strength of his.”

Danak pushed away from the wall to stand upright and Daniel felt the rush of cool air against his shoulder where their arms had touched. He was surprised how much he felt the loss of connection. Alec turned to face him and again placed his hand on Daniel’s forearm in the ritual Celian embrace.

“I must be more careful around your Colonel O’Neill,” he said with a smile. “And I will see you tomorrow. After breakfast, I am to escort you and Major Carter to our central library. I understand you have research to do there.”

“Wonderful,” Daniel said, grasping Danak’s forearm and returning the embrace. “I could not think of a more welcome guide.”

Danak tipped his head back and smiled. “You are a courteous man Dr. Jackson” he said, sounding wise beyond his years. But it was the most relaxed expression Daniel had seen on his face all night. Looking straight into Daniel’s eyes, Danak stepped in for the letac. After several moments, he stepped back and Daniel again felt the loss of contact.

“I must go now” Danak said, looking into the room over Daniel’s shoulder, his expression once again clouded. He turned on his heel, and was gone. When Daniel turned to look for Jack, he saw two sets of dark eyes watching him. One was Jack’s. The other belonged to the Prince Regent.

And it was only later that Daniel realized that Danak had never answered his question about what was wrong.

\-------------------

I think that went well” Sam said as they lounged in Jack’s quarters for a post-party de-briefing.

“You’re just saying that because you’re drunk,” Daniel said, and then giggled. He was sprawled on an overstuffed chair and grinning broadly.

“I’m not drunk” Sam protested,” just a little tipsy. And anyway, I’m not the one who’s giggling.”

“I am not giggling.” Daniel pulled a pillow up over his face and muffled giggling was heard this time. 

“Teal’c?” Jack inquired from his own chair, “Are you drunk?”

“I do not consume alcoholic beverages O’Neill.”

“Really” said Jack in mock surprise. “And at least I have the sense to stay sober when we are on a mission on an alien world. Which is more that I can say for those two.” He waved his hand at the offending parties.

Both Sam and Daniel giggled this time.

“Come on Jack, don’t be a party pooper” Daniel said from under the pillow. “You looked like you were enjoying yourself too.”

“We’ll I have to say, the food was pretty good.” Jack agreed patting his stomach and smiling at Daniel. 

“You seem to have gotten over your touch aversion too.” Daniel was smiling back. “I knew you would like it here.”

“I have to admit, my neck and shoulders haven’t felt this good in a long time.” Jack shifted his head from side to side, testing for kinks. “I hope they keep up the spa treatment.” 

Sam raised her head, “Hey Daniel, any luck figuring out what happened earlier? I saw you talking to Danak. What did he say? Did we do something wrong?”

“I don’t think so” Daniel replied. “I asked him outright, and he was very insistent that we had not. He seemed upset that we even thought that and blamed himself. I still really don’t understand.” Daniel was mumbling at the end and his eyes were half closed.

“Well campers,” Jack said, taking the cue, “I think it’s time we all got some shuteye. Big day tomorrow, so let’s hit it.”

Sam groaned and pulled herself up from her chair. “Good night everyone. I hope the beds are as comfortable as that chair.” She murmured, wandering through the linked bedroom doors with a wave. Jack and Teal’c heard the both chamber doors close.. Jack escorted Teal’c to the door while Daniel remained dozing in his chair.

“Good night T. Thanks for staying alert tonight. I probably wasn’t paying as good attention as I should have, but I knew you had my back. Let’s keep a good eye on the kids tomorrow. I like this place, but I don’t want it to go to our heads.”

“I concur O’Neill. I will keep good watch tomorrow.”

“I know you will T. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight O’Neill.”

Jack shut the door softly and turned to deal with a couch full of sleepy Daniel. He had turned sideways on the overstuffed couch, pulling his legs up and wrapping his arms around them for warmth. “God he gets cold easily,” Jack thought, sitting down for a moment. “Must be all that time in the desert.” Jack stared at Daniel’s relaxed face and reached across to pull his glasses off and set them gently on the nearby table. Jack smiled, noting that Daniel was due for a haircut. This was the longest Jack had seen it in a while. “I miss the long hair, Danny” he said softly, surprising himself with the thought. 

Jack leaned back and closed his eyes. Drowsing, the memory of Daniel showing him the letac earlier in the day filtered into his consciousness. Daniel had felt so warm. And he had felt so contented and moved. Jack let the memory caress him and tried to remember why he felt so uncomfortable afterwards. He couldn’t quite manage it. Not sleepy, with a full belly and Daniel snoring softly across from him. He and Daniel were friends, and had shared so much. Nothing more to it than, Jack thought as he drowsed off.

He woke with a start in the darkness. The only light came from the moon, which shone through the from the balcony door. Jack’s neck hurt from sleeping in an uncomfortable position and he rotated it back and forth. “Damn,” he thought “all that good massage gone to waste.” He heard Daniel’s soft snores and decided to make him comfortable on the couch. Carefully, he stretched Daniel’s legs out, fluffed the pillow under his head and covered him with the blanket that was flipped over the back.

While deciding whether to go to his bed or just stretch out on the other sofa, Jack realized he had to pee. The toilets were down the hall, so he moved to the door and stepped out into the darkened hall. As he moved to the bathroom entrance, he heard voices, whispered, but strained, coming from around the corner. One of the voices was definitely the Prince Regent’s and Jack had a good idea of who the other one belonged to. He approached the corner flat to the wall and moved his out head to see who was speaking. Sure enough, Alec was talking with Danak. The men were facing one another in the hallway. Even in the dim light, Jack could tell it was a tense exchange. He saw Danak reach out to touch Alec, and Alec jerk his shoulder away. Jack pulled his head back around the corner and listened.

“You cannot keep this up.” It was Danak speaking, softly. 

“I have no choice,” Alec snapped back, “it is my duty and my father is relying on me in his stead.” 

“That has nothing to do with this.” Danak returned. “There is no reason that you cannot fulfill every duty your father requires of you and still be true to yourself.”

“There is every reason, and you know it.” Alec voice was still angry. “We have had this conversation. I have made a choice.”

“Yes you did,” Danak returned hotly, “two years ago. I had a say in that one. On this “choice” you did not consult me.”

“ And you know how well the compromise worked out. I cannot be an exile and fulfill my duties here. I do not like being beaten and having to slink home, lying to my father.” Jack heard the young man’s voice break. “I cannot live like that.”

There was a long pause

“I think there is a way, we just have not found it yet.” Danak said quietly, the anger gone from his voice. “And you are still healing. I see how tired you are. Please, just for one night.”

There was another long silence and Jack slipped his head around the corner to see if he had missed anything. Alec stood with slumped shoulders, and Danak moved in to hold him close. For a moment, Alec relaxed into Danak’s arms. Then he straightened from the embrace and shook his head. He reached up to touch Danak’s hair from his eyes, and then turned and strode down the hall. Danak watched him go, then opened his chamber door, entered, closing it softly behind him.

“Hmm.” Jack thought leaning back against the wall, “Curiouser and curiouser.” He would run this past Daniel at the first opportunity, but Jack thought he had an idea of what was going on between these two. All the earmarks of a lover’s quarrel. He hadn’t understood all of the conversation, but he was pretty sure about that. 

Then he remembered still had to pee. 

\--------------  
Their wake-up call came at 0900 local time, a soft tap on the door and a carafe of some hot, fragrant beverage. Jack hoped it had a caffeine-like component, because Daniel hadn’t moved all night, and still lay drooling on the couch. Jack cursed himself for loosing track of how much Daniel had to drink the night before. He couldn’t hold his liquor for shit. Knowing it would take several attempts to rouse him, Jack first checked to see if T and Carter were up and moving. Hearing grunts to the affirmative from both chambers, he returned to poke Daniel. Bending over, he called softly and shook his shoulder. “Daniel, wakey wakey!”

He got a “mmph” and a weak kick in response. Jack had learned to stand back during years of waking Daniel to take his watch. “Come on Dannyboy” he tried again. “Time to get moving. There are libraries to visit today.” Jack saw a flicker of blue eyes at that one. Damn, he was good. “That’s right, libraries, all the books you want, stacks and rows of ‘em.” 

Daniel smiled drowsily, closing his eyes tight again. ‘I must be dreaming” he mumbled, still smiling.

“It’s not a dream. A real library. But first you have to get up, and there’s some sort of hot tea that I think you’ll like.

“Coffee??” came the mumbled response.

“No, no coffee, but I think you’ll like the tea.”

Jack soon realized that Daniel was not hung over, just normal Daniel drowsy in the morning. After a quick wash with hot water in the basin he was looking somewhat alert, sipping his tea and waiting for Carter and Tealc to show up. 

“Did I fall asleep here?” He asked once he perked up enough to realize he not slept in his own bed. “I’m sorry Jack. I hope I didn’t disturb you. And, uh, thanks for the blanket.” Daniel seemed a little embarrassed.

“Yep, you cashed out right there. It was no trouble. I didn’t see the point of waking you up to move when you were already sleeping. You drooled a little. But I’ve seen worse.” 

Daniel laughed silently, his steaming cup to his lips, and flashed an amused glance at Jack. Jack smiled back.

“But while you were sleeping the night away, I was hard at work.”

“Oh?” Daniel rolled his mug between his palms, warming his hands. Jack had seen him do this a thousand times around the campfire on different worlds. His eyes lingered for a moment, looking at Daniel’s fingers…

“Jack?”

‘Yep.” Caught in his distraction, Jack nevertheless slipped back into the conversation gracefully. “Special Ops stuff. I did a little recon last night and overheard a conversation that I think you might find interesting. It may shed some light on what is going with our Prince Regent. I’ll let you decide if it has any bearing on the up-coming talks.”

While Daniel listened intently, Jack relayed the conversation he had overheard. He kept his opinion out of the story, not wanting to bias Daniel’s interpretation. After all, Daniel was the sociologist.

“I think you’re right” Daniel said after mulling it over for a while. “I don’t really think this has any bearing on the reason we’re here. It seems like a, um, personal matter. What do you think? His question was hesitant, as if he was reluctant to hear Jack’s response.

“Yah, I think it’s personal,” Jack said emphatically. Very….personal.” He found himself looking down at his hands.

“You think that they’re lovers?”

Jack’s head snapped up. “Do you?”

“I don’t know. It makes sense is some ways. I spoke with Danak last night and he barely took his eyes off of Alec the whole time. I thought he might be a body guard.”

Jack chuckled at that one. “Yah, bodyguard.”

Daniel ignored the sarcasm. “I don’t know enough about Celian society to know if same sex pairings are a norm. I don’t remember seeing any obvious male-male pairings last night. I know that there is a bonding ritual for couples, I was looking into this at the library along with other aspects of Celian health and the touch ritual when I was here last. Danak mentioned an injury?”

“Yep. Alec mentioned being beaten and Danak said to remember he was still healing.” 

Hmm. Maybe that’s why the no touching” Daniel mused. “Maybe it hurts.”

“Sounds like an explanation to me. Anyway it doesn’t really concern us or why we’re here.”

“Part of why we’re here is to learn about the culture of these people. This may provide insight into Celian social customs.” 

Daniel was getting revved up into full sociologist mode.

“It may also be prying into personal stuff they don’t want to discuss. You didn’t hear them last night. It was not a happy conversation.”

“Speaking of prying into personal stuff…”

“Hey, that was recon.”

“Well, whatever.” Daniel laughed at Jack’s mock indignation. “Anyway, I’ll be spending time with Danak today. I’ll see what he’s willing to discuss. I like him, but he seems almost old beyond his years.”

“If that’s the case, the Prince is on his deathbed. Talk about tightly wound. And that’s who I’m spendin’ the day with.” 

“Somehow Jack, I think you’ll do fine. Just remember what I’ve told you about the touch rituals if they come up. Try to note anything about Alec’s behavior that seems strange given what I’ve told you. Obviously, I’m still trying to figure these people out.”

“Yep, obviously” Jack said, pushing himself up from his chair. “But I’m hungry, let’s get Carter and T and get this show on the road.”

 

Daniel was looking forward to meeting again with Delan, who had been the Celian’s head librarian for longer than anyone could remember. Delan had been open and forthcoming with sharing references during his previous trip, pointing Daniel to interesting sources and providing explanations when he had questions. Daniel had enjoyed the old man’s stories, and his views on Celian customs had provided fascinating supplementary information to dry academic texts. Daniel couldn’t help but smile in the sunshine as he, Carter and Danak walked the cobbled streets toward the impressive library building.

“Delan is looking forward to seeing you again” Danak said as they approached the stone structure. Daniel wondered briefly whether Celian’s had some telepathic abilities. “Oh,” he said, “do you know Delan?” 

Danak gave a small smile and said “For many years. He was my tutor. I studied with him until fairly recently.” 

“Really?” Daniel couldn’t help but exclaim. “He is a wonderful man. Sam, I think you’ll really like him. He has an incredible intellect, knows so much, and he is still so very warm and kind. I could not believe how much time he spent with me when I was here last. I’m really looking forward to seeing him again.” 

“He was your tutor?” Sam asked Danak. 

“Yes, for our secondary studies. Delan has been the tutor to the royal household for three generations. Alec’s grandfather was taught by him, which he likes to remind us whenever he can.” Danak laughed. “Delan was a hard task master, but fair, and he encouraged us to have fun with our studies. That was never much of a challenge for me, but Alec was always so serious. He…” There was a pause, and an inhaled breath. 

Daniel glanced over and noted the quick panic in Danak’s eyes. He glanced Daniel’s way, and then towards the library building, which they had approached. Turning, he said, “Here we are” little too loudly. He rushed up the stairs, two at a time, leaving Daniel and Sam to exchange glances.

“Jeez,” said Sam “For a minute there I almost thought he was going to relax and enjoy himself.” 

“Me too.” said Daniel, smiling wanly, not missing how Danak had refered to himself and Alec as “we.” He also noted that apparently, Alec was not a proper topic for conversation. Intrigued, Daniel followed Sam up the stone steps.

The young man seemed to have recovered when they caught up to him in the lobby. He smiled as they approached, looking around at the ornate mosaics on the high ceilings. Light shown in through the tall windows and the overall effect was grand and elegant. Daniel smiled back, noting how it seemed universally true that people loved showing off their cultural monuments. He had seen it all over the galaxy. “It’s beautiful,” Sam said, staring up at the ceiling, “just beautiful.”

“Thank you Major Carter” Danak said, “I spent a great deal of time here when I was younger. It is one of my favorite places. I’m glad you like it too.”

“Sam” she said, “call me Sam.” 

“Thank you Sam. Are you both ready to see Delan. I know he will be waiting.”

Indeed, Delan was pacing in the library’s anti-room when the trio pushed through the heavy wooden doors. The old man’s welcome was ebullient. He held first Daniel, then Sam in the letac, greeting them both like old friends. Then he straightened and faced Danak.

“And you, young man, where have you been keeping yourself since your return? Do you not have time to visit an old man? You leave in the middle of the night and I hear nothing, you’re gone for months and I hear nothing, then you are home for weeks and still I hear nothing.” 

Daniel and Sam hesitated a moment, unsure of Delan’s tone. Danak studied his boot tops. “Well” the young man said finally, “I knew our return would be a great shock to you, and given your advancing……:

Delan cut him off, reaching forward for the letac, “I should box your insolent ears. Have you learned nothing about respecting your elders?”

The laughed in each other’s arms, and Daniel and Sam smiled at the exchange. 

Delan continued to hold Danak after the letac, looking into the young man’s face. He asked quietly. “How is he?”

Danak looked down and said with equally grave voice that was almost a whisper. “Not well. He denies it. But he is not well.”

Sam shot a questioning look Daniel’s way. “Alec” he mouthed back to Sam. Who understood what he said, but still looked confused when she turned away. 

“We will speak more of this later, huh” Delan said, and with a hand raised Danak chin to look into his eyes. “More later,” he repeated in earnest. 

With a final pat on Danak forearm, the old man swung towards Sam. “Come, young woman,” he said with a gleam in his eye, “you must see the wonder that is our library.” 

The two moved off, but Danak stood lost in thought. Daniel waited a moment and then placed a hand on the young man’s shoulder. “Danak, are you alright? Danak started from his revelry, but not at Daniel’s touch. Daniel was amazed once again at the tactile ease of the Celians. His touch was not an invasion of Danak’s personal space. “I am sorry,” Danak said, attempting to alter his clouded look, “I have not been a very good host from the start.” 

Daniel smiled warmly, “you have been a fine host. But is everything alright? I would be happy to talk if you’d like. You seem… is there is anything I can do to help?….”

“Please don’t let my distraction bother you” Danak said earnestly, “nothing will affect the up-coming talks. The Regent will return the day after tomorrow and things will proceed.” He was speaking in a rush now. “Please, my lapses as your host have no bearing on the proceedings.”

“Again,” Daniel said, smiling “there have been no lapses. And I know that whatever it is has nothing to do with our visit. I’m not worried about that. And I meant what I said, um, about the talking.”

“Thank you.” Danak paused and gave a small smile. “I will be fine, but I appreciate your kind offer.” 

Daniel hoped the young man knew he meant it. They turned and joined Sam and Delan in the library reading room.

\---------

The afternoon was winding down and the library was mostly empty as Daniel sat, deep in conversation with Delan, at a heavy oak table in the library reading room. The day had flown by, punctuated by a fine lunch that had appeared in a side room at some point in the day. It had allowed both Sam and Daniel to continue indulging their investigation of library treasures and Daniel knew that Jack would be pleased that they had been well taken care of. Sam spent much of the morning engrossed in geological texts, moving on to scientific journals by the afternoon. Daniel had Delan as his guide, researching cultural and anthropological resources, many of which were very old. Celian was an ancient society with apparently no historic contact with the Go’auld. Daniel was beginning to think that this might have a connection to the Celian culture of touch. With no fear of Go’auld infestation, members of the society had been free to be physically proximate to one another.

And Daniel had been right about one other thing. There was a wealth of research demonstrating the connection between Celian physical health and exposure to touch. More even than humans, it seemed Celians were dependent on access to the touch of others for their well-being. If denied physical contact, Celian’s sickened in body and, it appeared from the literature, mind. Daniel was especially intrigued by text describing the pair bond ritual as a biological bond, as well as an emotional and psychological one. He asked Delan, “So there is something chemical that happens between bonded pairs, they become physically linked to one another as well as emotionally?”

“This is true. Research suggests that pheromones play a part in this, and that chemistry changes when individuals form a pair bond.”

“Fascinating..” Daniel mused. “So the formal ritual just ceremonializes what has already happened between two individuals.”

“Yes. The ritual is a celebration of the pair bond that presents a commitment to the society at large.”

“Are the bonds ever contentious? Daniel asked. “Families interfering, objecting.”

“Very rarely” Delan replied with a shake of his head. “Most know that the biology of the pair bond cannot denied or undermined.” Delan laughed gently, “most know not to try. Is it not the same on your own world?”

“No, it is very different on my world. A biological component is not recognized and family, friends, even strangers can sometimes interfere to subvert the relationships. And some bonds are considered… undesirable. For instance, between different religious groups . So in Celian society, there is no cultural shame attached to pair bond, regardless of the object of affection? What about same sex pairs?”

“They not unheard of, but do not represent the majority of pair bonds.”

“Is there any stigma attached to these?”

“They may be perceived as less desirable in some levels of society. Especially upper echelons where progeny has historically stabilized the ruling classes. In modern times however, they are considered acceptable through most levels of society.”

“So Alec and Danak…” Daniel let the unspoken question hang in the air. Then, feeling a presence over his shoulder, Daniel turned to see Danak standing behind him. The young man had, obviously overheard the discussion. His cheeks were flushed a deep crimson, but Daniel could not tell if it was with anger or embarrassment. But he noted the young man’s averted eyes. “I...” Danak stammered out, “I.. did not mean to eavesdrop, …..please forgive me….. I will leave you.” He swung to make his exit, but Daniel was quicker. He grabbed the young man’s arm.

“No” he said, ignoring the Danak’s burning face, and looking directly into his eyes. “You don’t have to go… You…I think you should stay.”

Daniel pulled out the chair next to his own, never letting go of Danak’s arm, and gently guided him into it. The young man sat heavily and leaned forward, staring down at his hands. Daniel looked across to Delan, who glanced toward Daniel and gave him small smile but did not speak. Feeling he should say something, Daniel inhaled and began…”I think…”

“Alec was right” Danak said softly, still looking downward. Daniel fell silent, but put his hand on Danak’s forearm and squeezed.

“He was right. If we cannot even hide this from outworlders, how can… Oh,..” Danak shot a glance in Daniel’s direction. “I am sorry. I seem never to be able to say the right thing around you.”

Daniel smiled his reassurance, and continued to hold Danak’s arm.

Delan spoke gently. “Perhaps that is because you try too hard Danak. You have always tried too hard. Daniel and his friends are no threat here, and you have nothing to fear revealing the truth. I think perhaps that hiding has become a bit of a habit for you, you and my other former pupil. It was not always so.”

Daniel saw Danak’s eyes grow bright. “Those were different times” he said in a strained voice.

“What happened off world Danak?” Delan continued “Why did you leave home so suddenly? The Regent came to me for weeks asking for news of his son, and I had no news to give him.”

“Really, he asked after Alec,” Danak asked, “Alec would be surprised to hear that, I think. We left to pursue alliances with outworlds, I am sure you heard. In reality, Alec insisted we leave. He felt we could no longer …..keep up appearances, that he could no longer fulfill his duties to his father or his country. I told him this was not true, but he would not listen .” Daniel felt the tension along the young man’s arms and kept up his gentle hold.

“We… we are a bonded pair and had been for over a year when we left.” Danak snuck a glance at his companions for their reaction. Seeing nothing but calm faces, he continued, “I convinced Alec to come home after.. after..” Danak choked and paused “He was beaten. We had been…noticed…and several men followed us. They beat Alec severely before I cleared them off. For weeks he could barely move.”

“Oh Danak. My god.” said Delan. 

“When he recovered enough to understand what had happened, he wouldn’t let me touch him. He’s never really recovered. I convinced him to come home, for a visit. But I hoped we would find a way to stay. He needs.. he needs..” Danak choked on his words and tears fell freely down his face.

Daniel moved to put his arm around the young man’s shaking shoulders. Damn the cruelty of people. He held Danak close as he worked to control his own outrage, not wanting to alarm Danak again when he finally calmed down.

Danak swallowed hard and straightened. He did not raise his head, but was more controlled when he said, “so you see, this is a terrible mess. And I don’t know what to do. And I have done nothing but make it worse by drawing honored guests into a sordid tale”

Glancing sideways at Daniel, he continued. “If Alec were to find out I don’t know what he’d do. He is so…he is almost beyond reason.”

“Does he feel that your bond is shameful?” Daniel asked softly. “From what Delan has told me, such pairings are not looked down on.”

“I’ve never really understood..” Danak said, his voice. “He convinced me first that we should wait for the right time to announce the bond. Then he got more and more vague about when or if we would ever do it. I’m not sure what he thinks now.” 

After a pause, Daniel spoke again. “Sometimes it is hard to accept that you will not have the path that you expected. And that can make living life very difficult.” Daniel stared at the table top, engrossed for a moment in his own thoughts. “But love should never be a shameful thing.” He smiled at Danak.

“Perhaps I should speak to the Regent when he returns” Delan mused. “I think he is overdue for a talk with his son.” 

Daniel saw a flicker of hope and also anxiety in Danak’s face. “Would you? Alec will be furious, but his father may be the only one who can reason with him at this point. Do you think the Regent would… would you tell him everything?” Concern deepened on the young man’s face. “Would he..?” He fell silent again, deep in thought. 

“You may leave what to tell him to me, if you trust that I have your best interests in mind.”

“Of course, of course Delan. I am very grateful for your help. I think that may be the only way that this ends well. I have tried to keep a close eye on Alec, but he won’t let me near, and he is stressed now with filling in during his father’s absence. He needs help, but he won’t listen to me anymore.”

“Then it is done” the old man returned. “But I want make sure also that you are you prepared for all to be revealed. There may be negative responses. You should be prepared for that.”

“I don’t care about that” Danak snapped back. I would live in goat herder’s tent a happy man if Alec was beside me each night.” His eyes snapped as he said it and Daniel knew he meant every word. But then his gaze faltered again and he turned to Daniel. “I am sorry if I have embarrassed you, Dr. Jackson. I never meant to entangle you in to something so…unrelated to your visit… But I appreciate your kindness. I have no idea how your people would judge this…situation, but you have been most kind.”

This speech over, Danak again looked nervously at Daniel. Daniel realized again how young Danak was. Just a kid really, trying to manage a situation that would challenge someone much older. Daniel knew how that felt, and he was suddenly very happy to be of any help.

“It’s Daniel” he said with a smile. “…Please call me Daniel. And Danak smiled back.

“And now,” he said, hating to change the subject, but knowing Jack would fret if they were late, “..I think we better find Sam, unless we want to spend the night here.”

They all laughed as they rose, but Danak paused, touching Daniel’s shoulder. “I must ask,” he said. “How did you know?”

“It was Jack.” Daniel said, “Jack figured it out.” Daniel found himself musing on this as they moved toward the stacks to round up Sam.

 

Jack had a great day, and Daniel heard all about it as they relaxed in their rooms after dinner. Carter had left them to take what she called “a long and serious bath” and Tealc had headed off for his evening’s K.

Daniel lay sprawled on Jack’s bed, holding his overstuffed belly and groaning occasionally while Jack talked. “We had a great lunch, this meat was roasted over an open fire, and the desserts, wow. Custardy things.” 

Daniel groaned again. “No more about food, I’m stuffed.”

“Well if you’d eat regular meals, instead of fasting and gorging, you wouldn’t be in this position.” Jack laughed as Daniel could only waive a hand in protest.

“OK fine. Then I’ll tell you about what we did this afternoon. They have stables. And kennels of hunting dogs. There were two litters of puppies running around. Man it was great. I really miss having a dog. Then I got a tour of the armament museum…”

Jack’s delight was engaging and Daniel propped himself up on the pillows so that he could see him. Jack relined on an armchair, his feet crossed on the bed.

“I’m glad you had a good day.” He said, smiling. “How was Alec?”

“Fine. He’s pretty tightly wound, but I think he’s trying hard to be impressive while dad’s gone. He’s a nice kid though, like you said, I had a much better time than I thought I would.”

“Any insight on what you overheard last night?”

“No. I think I must have been wrong about it though.” Jack paused before speaking again, shaking his head slightly “There’s no way.”

“No way…?” Daniel knew what Jack was hinting at, but intended to make him say it.

“No way he is,……you know..IN a relationship with..,” Jack waved his hand, “that other guy.”

“that would be…Danak.”

“Yes, Danak.”

“And you base this insight on…?”

“What I saw today.” Daniel heard testiness creep into Jack’s voice, but it didn’t stop him from pressing the issue.

“Which was what? Dogs and guns? The stuff you like?”

“Well, yah.”

“Daniel shook his head and snorted. “Well I’ve got news for you, Colonel O’Neill, they’re a bonded pair… for over two years now.”

“How do you know?” Jack was getting testier.

“I heard from the horse’s mouth, which would be the Danak-half of the bonded pair.”

“Well, maybe you misunderstood.”

“Pretty sure I didn’t, since he asked his old tutor to help break the news to Alec’s father.”

“What?”

Daniel took his time relating the story of earlier that day while Jack sat silently, squinting as he listened.

“It was really sad, Jack. Danak seems pretty resigned to this not working out well, even though they seem to really be in love.” Jack fidgeted in his chair a little on that one, but Daniel ignored it. “Danak kind of hinted that Alec was not thinking very clearly. Did you see any sign of that? Did he seem distraught to you?”

“No,” Jack shook his head, still squinting and not looking directly at Daniel. “He was quiet, maybe a little withdrawn… Oh hell, I don’t know. I obviously don’t know what I’m looking at..”

“Well, actually, I think you do. You called this yesterday in the first hour we arrived. You’re just re-thinking your instincts now because you like Alec and you don’t want him to be gay.”

Silence followed while Daniel let Jack digest that one. He saw a number of feelings flit across Jack’s face. Expressions most would never recognize, but Daniel read well. Denial first, and irritation, then resignation. Daniel knew what Jack would say before he said it.

“Yah, you’re probably right. It’s just a little hard to believe.”

“Why? You don’t think it’s possible to love a man, and be a warrior and diplomat too. Why are those things mutually exclusive?”

“I know, I know, it’s my rigid military mindset.”

“No really Jack, don’t dismiss this. Answer me. Do you really think that those concepts are mutually exclusive? I know what the military thinks, I want to know what you think.”

There was a long pause as Jack considered his response. Finally, he looked up at Daniel and spoke quietly “I think its fine.” Even as he said it, he marveled at Daniel’s ability to push past his defenses and make him examine things truthfully. And Daniel didn’t even look smug about it. He just looked happy, laying there on the bed watching him with those incredible eyes.

Jack nudged Daniel’s leg with his stocking feet, “Stop smiling at me” he said playfully. “Sorry,” Daniel said, laughing, and nudged him back. Silence followed, while they stared at each other and then looked away. Jack felt tension between them, but it was not unpleasant. He wanted something to happen, but couldn’t think what. 

After a few moments, Jacked shrugged and began to rise, “I’m going to take a shower before bed” he announced, and his words sounded harsh in his own ears. He felt like he had broken a spell, and this make him cranky, but Daniel seemed oblivious and lay on the bed with half closed eyes, still smiling. “OK,” he mumbled, “I’ll finish this chapter I’m reading and go to bed.”

“Fine, enjoy” Jack said, as he gathered his stuff, calculating the odds of Daniel not being asleep in the same spot when he got back.

Jack enjoyed his shower, it was hot and he lingered longer than he usually let himself. But he needed to think, although about what, he wasn’t quite sure. It had something to do with Daniel, who seemed much in his thoughts. Maybe it was the influence of the touchy-feely planet, but he sensed Daniel as a physical presence more than he ever had. He had felt the loss of him when they were not together during the day, and made a point of remembering things to tell Daniel later. It was weird, almost like his courting days, when he would think of nothing but some girl, of the next time they would see each other, of the smell of her hair. But it wasn’t like that really, Daniel was his friend. A very close friend, and they connected on some deep level. Jack could acknowledge that. The rest was just part of the relaxation this planet seemed to evoke, all warm and fuzzy. Jack turned off the water and stood dripping in the steamy stall. That was it.

Sure enough, Daniel was asleep with his book on his chest and his glasses on his forehead, right where Jack left him. He was glad of this, and he let himself feel this way. They spent too much time sleeping in peril off world. They could sleep here in peace. He set Daniel’s glasses and book on the table, covered him with the extra blanket, and watched as Daniel did what he always did, pulled the blanket to his chin and rolled into a ball on his side. “Always cold.” Jack thought to himself again, pulling back the covers on the other side of the bed and crawling in. “Good night Daniel,” he said softly in the darkness. And then he fell asleep.

…………………..

Jack awoke with Daniel’s hair tickling his nose. Which, off- world, was not all that unusual. Sometime during the night Daniel had wormed under the covers, and was now curled up with his head squarely on Jack’s chest. Which accounted for Jack’s nose full of hair. And the drool on his shirt. Jack’s shoulder was asleep and he had to pee, but he decided against moving. Daniel tended to end up this way when they slept in the same tent, so he was used waking up pinned. He was pretty sure it wasn’t just for warmth either, since it happened on hot planets as much as anywhere else. Most likely Daniel unconsciously searched out the contact, which he rarely indulged in during waking hours. Jack had never met anyone as starved for touch as Daniel, who practically screamed “hug me” with his every move, but froze whenever anyone came too near. 

So Jack stayed put until Daniel woke up. He had learned to feign sleep after the first time he found Daniel curled on top of him. He had shaken him gently, calling “wake up sleepy head” like he used to do with Charlie. Daniel had cracked his eyes and smiled, then nestled back down on Jack’s chest. Which Jack had thought was pretty cute, since Daniel was obviously thinking of some pleasant childhood memory, and there couldn’t be too many of those. Then, Daniel had sat up so quickly it made Jack jump. Still blinking, he stared at the black spot of drool on the middle of Jack’s chest and started stuttering. “Jack… I… God.. I am so sorry, I didn’t mean…Oh, wow…” Daniel was up and backing away from Jack towards the tent flap. Jack tried to stop him, repeating “Daniel, it’s ok, there’s no problem here, calm down.” But Daniel left the tent and Jack had not seen him the rest of the day. He had no idea when Daniel had come back for his boots, but they were on his feet when they gated out later that day. Daniel avoided Jack’s eyes for two days after that, and that only stopped when Jack showed up at Daniel’s house with beer and pizza, acting like nothing had ever happened.

So now, when he woke up first, which was usually the case, Jack waited for Daniel to wake. Which could be pretty amusing. Daniel always started up guiltily, like he was shocked it had happened again. And Jack couldn’t resist throwing in a scare, shifting around, pretending to wake up, while Daniel did his best to sneak off quietly. It was rotten, but it always made him smile anyway, knowing he was in on Daniel’s little secret.

Jack basked drowsily with Daniel warm and close, but becoming increasing aware that he had no feeling in his right arm, which was pinned firmly beneath Daniel’s weight. “Daniel, wake up.” Jack called softly into the top of Daniel’s head, bringing his hand up to brush the hair from his forehead. It took a couple of tries before the eyes fluttered. 

“mm…Time to get up??” Daniel mumbled, shifting slightly, but obviously not awake enough to realize his current position. He stretched, rubbing a long leg down Jack’s and snuggling closer without opening his eyes.

Jack was awake now, waiting for reality to hit Daniel, tensing his arm slightly, prepared for the inevitable leap to a sitting position. 

Daniel wouldn’t run off this time. 

And in the next instant, the full weight of realization slammed down like an avalanche. 

Jack wanted to stay just like this, here in this bed, with Daniel asleep in his arms. 

Jack’s eyes snapped open and he struggled to breath normally. He held as still as he could manage, hoping Daniel would fall back asleep while he got a hold of himself. He rolled the events of the last few days over in his mind, trying not to panic. Was this planet getting to him? Making him feel things, and drop his guard with all the touching and relaxing. Maybe it was something in the water on this god-damned alien planet. But even with the shocking realization of how nice it felt he had not moved to push Daniel away. Didn’t want to now. Jack knew he was a lot of things, but he never intentionally deluded himself. Hopelessly and without a doubt he was in love with Daniel Jackson. Jesus Christ.

Habit pushed Jack into problem-solving mode, starting with prioritizing. He had to do something about right now, when Daniel woke up and awkward silence descended. Jack knew he couldn’t deal with his own emotions and Daniel’s embarrassment right now. He need time to think. Special ops training taught that acting quickly was sometimes better than waiting for the best opportunity, and when Daniel stirred towards waking again, Jack didn’t even think about it. He pushed Daniel off him with all the roughness he could muster, followed by a terse “get off me Daniel.” Then he rolled off the bed into a standing position and started pulling on his pants. 

This worked just like he hoped. Daniel pushed himself onto his elbows and shook his head in sleepy confusion. But he didn’t look embarrassed and Jack knew that for the moment Daniel remembered nothing prior this rude awakening. “Jack what’s wrong?” Daniel croaked, shaking his head. “Nothing Daniel,” Jack said, more harshly then he meant to, “I have to pee.” 

“Oh, OK.” Daniel was more awake by the minute. Jack had to get out of there and fast, before Daniel had time to reconstruct events. He yanked on his boots, and bailed.

For the second time in less than 12 hours Jack found himself standing under the hot water of a shower, thinking about Daniel. This time though he didn’t feel so good. He felt panicked. Like he hadn’t since things started to break down with Sarah after Charlie’s death. Like his whole world had tilted and couldn’t right itself. He was a colonel in the Air Force for god’s sake, with a lifetime of achievement and experience. He could not be in love with Daniel, someone he worked with everyday and had known for years, not to mention, a man. It was not possible. He loved Daniel sure, like a brother, like he loved Teal’c or Kawalsky. Jack leaned in and pressed his head against the dripping shower wall. 

Not even close. Not even remotely like how he felt about having Daniel in his arms this morning. His stomach dropped again at the thought. It was true. He loved Daniel Jackson. What the hell was he going to do? 

……………..

Jack took his time and as he hoped, Daniel was gone by the time he got back to the room. The door was closed to Daniel’s room, which was also a relief. Jack felt pretty shitty about his earlier treatment and figured Daniel probably thought he had imposed by falling asleep in the bed with Jack. Hah! That was a laugh. Jack hoped he didn’t remember much besides getting jarred awake. That certainly happened enough. Hopefully, Daniel wouldn’t review events too closely and things would be normal between them when they saw each other. Jack grimaced at that thought, especially when he noticed that his hands were shaking. He could never pull off normal, Daniel read him too well. Christ. The last thing he wanted was Daniel thinking he had done something wrong.

Teal’c and Carter were finishing breakfast in his room by the time Daniel joined them. Jack hadn’t been able to eat, waiting nervously for Daniel to turn up. He sat drinking his tea in chair to the side with his eye on the door between their rooms. As Daniel came through the door, he rested his head back, as if he were drowsing, but really so he could watch from the slits of his eyes. He tried not to notice how his heart jumped when he saw Daniel’s face. He was carrying a load of books (of course), his hair was still damp form a recent shower. Christ.

“Morning everyone,” Daniel said quietly, using his hip to lower on stack of books onto a side table. “Sorry I’m a bit late”

“You are not late DanielJackson. And as O’Neill has not joined us for breakfast this morning, there is food remaining.” Jack’s eyes flickered at that one and he heard Sam chuckle. Hah. Hah. Thanks for ratting me out big guy, he thought tersely. Daniel had still not looked his way. 

“Not hungry Jack?” Daniel asked, pouring himself a cup of the dark, fragrant tea and still not looking Jack’s way. “Did you sleep ok? 

Only Jack would have known what Daniel was doing. Which was checking how things were between them. This was good, as Daniel didn’t seem particularly upset or nervous. But Jack heard the tentative, unspoken question and knew Daniel was at least confused about how the morning started. As usual, Jack’s heart melted. Daniel was so bare to the world, and always checking to see if he was right with it. He had no natural ability to protect himself, and Jack was beginning to realize just how deep his own need to provide protection ran. Daniel wouldn’t feel crappy about this morning if Jack could help it.

He tipped his head forwards and said with all the cheerfulness he could muster, “I slept great.”

Daniel’s head turned and he smiled broadly at Jack, though he kept his eyes down. “I’m glad” he said. And Jack knew that at least for this morning, they were alright. 

……..

They split up again after breakfast, Daniel and Carter happily making their way back to the library for another day exploring, with Danak as their guide and Delan as their host. Jack tossed them a wave, and a “have fun kids” as they strolled off already chattering excitedly. See, he could behave normally. He moved to the balcony to watch them walk off down the street. Before he could stop it, he felt a brief pang that he would not see Daniel until later. “Jesus, O’Neill” he thought, suppressing the feeling immediately, “get a grip.” He would have to think about this sometime. But not yet, and not now. 

A few minutes later there was a tap on the door. Alec was there when Jack opened it, two bodyguard discretely stationed down the hallway. Jack asked him in, and as he moved into the light-filled room, he got a good look at the young man’s face. Jack was shocked. Dark circles under his eyes revealed a definite lack of sleep, and Alec was pale, very pale. Did he look like this yesterday? Jack didn’t think so, maybe a little tired, but this seemed a pretty dramatic. Jack stood for a moment as Alec stared towards the window, talking quietly about their upcoming day. He considered asking if Alec was up to playing host, but he knew what the answer would be. Plus, he didn’t want to embarrass Alec by indicating that he looked, well, as crappy as he did. These people seemed invested in being good hosts and Jack didn’t want to signal that he sensed trouble. They were headed to a park that overlooked the city and surrounding countryside. Maybe the fresh air would do Alec some good.

With a brief stop to pick up Teal’c, the small party was on its way. Jack had to admire the discretion of the body guards. Even he forgot their presence at times, although he figured Teal’c didn’t. True, the guards didn’t have the bulky, over-the-top aggressive look that Jack was used to, and they touched each other a lot. But still, they looked like they could handle themselves. They never touched Alec, which Jack noted for later report to Daniel.

The ride past the city outskirts was undertaken mostly in silence. The drive was beautiful, lined with large trees and an occasional field and Jack was content to look out the window at the view. The road climbed steadily as they entered the park grounds and Alec told them about the history of the place, how the grounds had been set aside centuries ago, etc. Jack tuned out a bit, musing on how Daniel would have love the history lesson, and the scenery. They stopped at a small parking area which was deserted, and stepped out into the sunshine.

Alec was talking again, and although he still looked tired, he seemed to have a bit more color in his cheeks. Alec was explaining, “it’s a short hike to the top of the ridge, but I think you find it worth the walk. The view is beautiful and we’ll have lunch there. Trails branch off in several directions if you’re interested in more walking after that.” 

“Sounds good” said Jack, nodding at Teal’c. “Beautiful day, isn’t it big guy?”

“Indeed it is O’Neill. I believe DanielJackson would enjoy this very much.”

Jack started at Teal voicing of Jack’s own thoughts, but didn’t think Teal’c noticed. “You think so?”

“I do O’Neill. DanielJackson is most affected by beautiful surroundings.”

Jack wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this, but this subject of made him uncomfortable. “Yah, I guess he is that kind of guy” he responded casually, turning back to their host.

“Perhaps we can return if we have time after the conference is over” Alec offered. “I would be happy to share this spot with the other members of your delegation. It’s one of my favorites as well.”

They started up the trail, which was surrounded by fields at the start, but quickly transitioned to deep forest. Jack was grateful for the shade, because the trail was steep in places and rose steadily through the forest. So far, so good with his knees, but he was hoping that he wouldn’t regret this later. 

At the top of a particularly steep climb, they stopped at a clearing that opened to an expanse of dark green forest. Jack and Teal’c had adjusted their pace to match Alec, who had slowed, and was breathing harder than either of them. Alec had been explaining that this was the view that overlooked the hills beyond the city, but had stopped speaking as the climb grew more strenuous. Jack turned toward Alec, waiting for the narrative to continue. He was just in time to see the young man’s knees buckle and his eyes roll back in his head.

“Teal’c” Jack yelled, lunging forward as Alec slumped to the ground. Jack caught him and eased him down. OK, now his knees were hurting. Teal’c knelt at his side, feeling for a pulse, as the body guards rushed toward them. Jack was on the ground with Alec’s head on his lap. The young man was pale and sweaty. 

“I believe he has fainted, O’Neill.” 

“Ya’ think,” Jack shot back. “Dammit, I knew this was a bad idea.” He looked to the body guards. “If either of you have water on you, hand it over. Then, one of you needs go for help.” One of the guards produced a bottle and knelt down, wetting a handkerchief and handing it to Jack. 

“You, go” Jack motioned to the other man. “We don’t know what’s wrong and we need to get him back to a doctor. Teal’c, you go too. We’ll start back if he wakes up.” As the two men moved off, Jack called, “and Teal’c, make sure someone sends a message to Danak.” Teal’c cocked and eyebrow at this, but turned without a word and moved at a run down the trail.

After a minute or two of swabbing his face with a rag dampened with cool water, Alec’s eyes fluttered. The body guard, whose name was Nemen, Jack had found out, continued to run the rag over his face and wrists. “Sir,” he asked softly, “sir, can you hear me.”

“Yes Nemen.” The voice was hoarse and barely a whisper. The eyes fluttered again. “Where am I?”

“On the Timon Park Trail” Nemen responded softly, one hand now holding Alec’s forearm in the gesture Alec had seen among other Celians. Nemen brushed the damp hair out of Alec’s eyes with the rag. “We were hosting a tour.”

“Oh, our guests..” Alec turned his head now to look up at Jack. “I am so sorry…” His voice trailed off and shut his eyes tight, but not before Jack saw the tears. Jack remained quiet as they leaked from the young man’s eyes. Goddammit this had been a bad idea. All around bad. Why didn’t he trust his own instincts. But Jack knew how to deal with injured teammates. He’d had to do it enough. “Don’t worry” he said calmly “you’re going to be fine. We’ve sent for help. You just lay here for now.”

Jack and Nemen held on to Alec, as the tears stopped and the young man recovered some color in his cheeks. A few minutes later he drew a deep breath and said to Jack. “I think I would like to sit up now.”

“Just rest a few more minutes. There’s no hurry.”

Alec did not argue and closed his eyes again. Shortly though, he asked again. “Can I sit up now? I feel better.”

“OK, but slowly and let us help you.” Gently, they moved him into a sitting position, which seemed to go ok. 

In another 10 minutes or so Alec said he was ready to try standing. “We’ve sent for help.’ Nemem argued, “we do not need to move. They will come for us.”

“Sent for help?” Alec seemed puzzled. “Why?” 

“Well, you collapsed on the trail…” Jack said “and we thought we should take that seriously.”

Alec tried a smile, which was not very successful. “I’m fine, just tired. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. We should continue now.” Alec struggled, but rose to stand next to the two men.

Ok, this was starting to piss Jack off. He stood up slowly. “We’re not going to continue. You don’t faint just because you’re tired. You’re going back, to see a doctor. Now.”

Alec looked at Jack steadily. Jack could see him trying to assess how far to push this. Jack returned Alec’s gaze with his steeliest Colonel face, and saw Alec’s eyes waiver. Jack sensed the relief he had seen on training missions with recruits. Relief that someone else was going to take charge. 

Jack thought he would add some further reassurance. “And I had word sent to Danak” he said gently. “He’ll be meeting us.”

Alec’s head snapped around so fast that Jack almost jumped. The young man’s eyes held a number of emotions Jack couldn’t quite read, anger certainly, but something else too, fear maybe. Jack was confused. Why was he pissed? Daniel had told him that these two where a couple. Alec’s face was draining of color again, but thankfully, he didn’t look ready to faint.

“And why would you do that?” Alec asked, his face set and defiant.

“I thought he should know” Jack returned calmly. After a pause he asked, pointedly, “was I wrong about that?”

Jack could tell that Alec caught every inference implied in his question. The young man’s eyes wavered and he dropped his gaze to Jack’s boots.

“We should go then” he said bruskly, and pushed past Jack towards the trail.

…………..

If Jack thought the ride up had been quiet, the ride back about as much fun as a funeral. After allowing a brief once-over in the parking area, Alec has refused further treatment and a ride back with the medical team. Jack noted that Alec had promised to follow up with his own physician. He would make sure someone else knew about that promise too. 

Alec, Teal’c Jack and the body guards returned in the vehicle they had come in. In silence. Lots of silence. Jack put his head back against the seat and tried to snooze. Alec stared pointedly out the window and Teal’c sat there, of course, silent. What a crappy day this had turned out to be. From start, Jack snorted to himself over that one, to finish. And hey, and the damn day wasn’t even over yet. 

When they arrived back at the royal apartments, Alec insisted on escorting Jack and Teal’c to their rooms, even though Jack told him that it wasn’t necessary, and he should rest. As expected, however, Alec ignored him. What was it with these people and playing host? So they marched, in silence, toward the guest rooms.

As they turned onto the corridor near their quarters, Jack saw Carter, Daniel and Danak walking towards them down the hallway. Danak pushed ahead, calling Alec’s name. Slightly ahead of Jack, Alec moved forward as well. What happened next even Jack did not anticipate. As they moved toward one another, Jack saw Alec draw back and hit Danak so hard that he stumbled back into Daniel. Blood gushed from the young man’s nose and mouth, as Daniel caught him and helped him regain is balance. Danak stood there, as stunned as everyone else, staring. 

The sound of yelling in some language jolted Jack from his frozen state. Alec lunged at Danak again, but this time Jack grabbed his arms and pulled him backward. Daniel had the sense to push Danak behind him and Jack held on while Alec squirmed in his grasp. Through gritted teeth, Alec spoke again in the language Jack did not recognize. His face was a furious mask.

Pressing a cloth that Carter had produced to his mouth, Danak replied calmly to Alec’s sputtering outburst, for which Jack gave him credit. This situation did not need to escalate any further.

“Why do you speak in a language our guests do not understand? It is very rude, as I believe you know.”

Alec chattered again, and again, Danak returned calmly “What have I told them? I don’t understand. And please speak so that our guests can understand you.”

Apparently Alec was not in a very polite mood. Again, he spoke in harsh words that must be native Celian.

Danak remained calm when he answered. “I have told nothing but the truth.”

Alec lunged again, trying to break Jack’s grasp. But Jack was expecting this and held tight.

Alec spoke in English then, spitting the words at Danak “Do you have any idea what you have done?” His voice broke and he slumped a little in Jack’s arms. “What have you done?” Alec hung his head, his voice quiet and low for the first time.

Danak held his head high as he spoke, “I have done nothing I am ashamed of. You can hit me if you want Alec, but it does not change the truth.”

Jack heard Alec’s intake of breath and the young man slumped further in his arms. With an inhaled breath, he twisted to Jack’s left, breaking away. Then, he straightened slowly and without a look back, strode down the hallway. Jack motioned for Teal’c to let him go.

In an instant, everyone seemed to moving and talking at once. Danak was batting away attempts to stem the bleeding from his face, while Daniel moved to ask Jack what had happened.

Jack yelled for quiet. As usual, this worked and all eyes turned to him. Jack barked out orders. “Carter, Daniel and I are going after him.” Danak opened his mouth to protest, but Jack waved him off. “You,” he said “need medical attention and can join us after you’ve received it. But first, tell me, where will he go?”

Danak paused for a moment, upset, but trying to concentrate. He lifted his head to Jack, his eyes brimming. “He’ll be in the library in his quarters. Take my key.”

“Good. Join us when you’re patched up. Carter, make sure a medical team comes with, but don’t come in until we give the all clear. Teal’c, you come with us and guard the door.” There was a brief pause. “Let’s move people.”

……

“Jack, what’s going on?” Daniel strode next to Jack down the hallway, easily matching Jack’s stride. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. He collapsed on our hike and then wanted to continue after he felt better. I insisted we come back. And when I told him that I had sent word to tell Danak about what happened, he freaked out.”

“Oh.”

“Oh, what.”

“Freaked out how?”

“He asked me why I did that. And I told him I thought Danak should know.”

“That’s it?”

“Yah, that’s it.” Jack felt a little bad leaving out some of the nuances of his exchange with Alec, but there wasn’t time to go into it. Daniel continued to talk at Jack’s side.

“…Because from what I understand, violence is extremely rare among Celians. They almost to revere touch, as a positive, life affirming experience.”

“Obviously Daniel, the guy is not right in the head. Which is why I am walking down this hallway, to get involved in a situation that is not my problem, that is probably going to be unpleasant. Remind me again why we came to this planet, because I’m a little fuzzy on that now.” Jack’s voice was sarcastic, but he was moving quickly.

Daniel matched his pace and refocused on Jack, watching his face as they approached the door to Alec’s quarters. “Why are you doing this Jack?” 

“I’ve seen the look on Alec’s face before.” Jack paused, struggling with the words… “someone needs to talk to him” he finished, not looking at Daniel. “You’re here because you’re the linguist, you know these people better than any of us. You’re going to help me talk to him. And Teal’c is going to help convince those body guards that we need to get in there, now.”

But it took surprisingly little to convince the bodyguards to let them in. The key helped, as did the promise that Danak would be arriving soon, but these people were still too damn trusting. Any decent security force would never have let three strangers in to see their reining prince, not on Jack’s watch anyway. But without much discussion, they let Jack key the door, and while Teal’s kept the bodyguards company, he and Daniel went in.

The main chamber was a sitting room, set up much like their own quarters. All was quiet as they moved to check the bedroom, which was empty. Thinking that Danak was mistaken, Jack moved to the doorway of the last of the connecting rooms. There, sitting in half-light was Alec. 

“Daniel?” Jack called softly over his shoulder.

“Yah?”

“I got him.”

Daniel rushed to Jack’s side, but Jack put up his arm to stop him from entering the room. He mouthed to Daniel, “slowly” Daniel got it immediately, and his whole body relaxed. Together they moved into the room, splitting up to stand with Alec between them, but still at a distance. Alec sat, staring, his eyes unfocused, his expression lifeless. In his left hand, he clutched a small, but very sharp-looking knife.

Jack and Daniel exchanged glances, and Jack motioned for Daniel to speak.

Daniel moved in a step, hands in the palms up “we mean you no harm” gesture Jack had seen him use so many times.

“Alec, we’ve come to see how you are.”

Not a flicker of response.

Daniel snuck a nervous look at Jack and took a deep breath. He tried again. “I was with Delan today, at the library. He asked about you.”

Alec turned slowly toward Daniel. Even in the low light, Daniel could see tears flowing, unchecked, down his face. His eyes were still unfocused, but he seemed to be listening. It was a start.

Daniel continued, “He told me to wish you well. He hopes to see you soon.”

“Hopes to see me....” Daniel saw Alec mouth the words and shake his head slightly. The young man drew in a sharp breath, seeming to collect himself and then looked directly toward Daniel for the first time. This glance frightened Daniel. Alec’s eyes were cold and lifeless, the eyes of a dead man. Without expression Alec asked, “Do you know of the dra’tah? 

Jack heard Daniel’s indrawn breath and felt him tense. Daniel responded calmly though. “I do. My understanding is that it is archaic and longer practiced.”

“Daniel?” Jack questioned softly.

“Jack.. I…Alec, would you explain the dra’tah Colonel O’Neill?”

Alec blinked twice and Daniel thought they had lost him again. But then he spoke, although he did not look at either of them.

“The dra’tah is very old custom. It returns balance to a family in chaos.”

Given the knife still held in Alec’s white-knuckled fist, this conversation was making Jack nervous. 

“Daniel?

“How does it do that, Alec?” 

Jack hoped Daniel knew what he was doing.

“By eliminating the source of dishonor. It is a gift back to the family”

It took a moment for Jack to process this. When he did, he stepped towards Alec, sputtering.

“Eliminating the source of… Jesus, are you talking about killing yourself for family honor?” Jack eyed the knife and calculated his chances of wrestling it away without harming either of them. Not good. 

Alec nodded once. “I consider it a final gift to my father.”

“What?” Jack spat out. Blood was pounding in his ears and he could feel himself loosing it. 

“Jaaack?” Daniel questioned, trying to get Jack to back off.

Jack swallowed hard. He took a deep breath, his hands clenched, as Daniel looked on and Alec continued to stare into the distance. When Jack spoke again he sounded calmer, although it was through gritted teeth.

“I had a son” Jack said. “He was killed, in an accident that was my fault. He was eight years old.” 

Alec turned slowly to look at Jack for the first time. Daniel’s eyes widened as Jack continued softly,

“Every single day I miss him.” Jack inhaled sharply, struggling to get the words out. “There is nothing, nothing that can ever replace him in my life. There is nothing he could ever do that would make me glad he was gone. Not even restoring family honor.” Jack practically spat the words out. Alec leaned in, staring, while Jack continued. “If you do this, your father will be heartbroken for the rest of his life. That is not a gift. Believe me.”

“But you do not …’

Again Jack interrupted. “I know enough. There is nothing you can do, nothing that you are that will justify this. Your father will never forgive himself.”

At this, Alec tensed back, and Daniel prepared to leap toward him if he needed too. But, then, with an inhaled sob, Alec slumped and let the knife fall to the floor. He put his hands in his face, and wept.

Daniel rushed forward, kicking the knife away.

He held Alec hard, rocking back and forth as the young man sobbed. “It’s OK” Daniel repeated mindlessly, “it’s ok now.” 

Jack’s back was turned when Daniel looked up. When he looked again, Jack was gone.

 

Daniel stayed through Danak’s arrival and Alec’s examination by the court physician. Alec was heavily sedated by the time he was stripped and put to bed, so Daniel was pretty sure he didn’t hear the gasps around the bedside when his tunic was removed. Dark blue-red bruises covered his back, ribs and stomach, most of them swollen and fresh looking. According to Danak, little healing had taken place since the last time he saw the wounds, which was over a month before. Daniel stored away this bit of information for the time he would be able to resume his study of Celian healing traditions, but with Alec in Danak’s capable hands, he needed to find Jack.

Danak saw Daniel’s move toward the door, and approached him. He held Daniel in the letac for several moments, and Daniel let himself fall into the embrace, relaxing fully since that first punch. “Thank you” Danak said, his eyes brimming, when the finally moved apart. “You should go find your Colonel O’Neill now” he said. “And thank him for me when you see him.”

“Take good care of him” said Daniel, nodding towards the bedroom. “Always” Danak answered, smiling. Despite the unshed tears, he looked happier than Daniel had seen him.

No one had seen Jack since, according Sam, he “brushed by without a word and didn’t stick around to chat” over an hour before. Daniel tapped on the door to his room, and when no one answered, turned the handle and went in. Jack was there, as Daniel knew he would be. The rooms were dark, but Daniel saw him sitting on the stone balcony in the deepening twilight. Jack’s eyes were closed and his head tipped back against the wall, long legs stretched out in front of him. Jack made no sign that he heard Daniel’s approach, but Daniel knew Jack knew he was there. If Jack did not want to be found, no one found him, not even Daniel. And no one snuck up on Jack O’Neill.

Daniel lowered himself down. They sat close, but not touching, and Daniel closed his eyes and leaned his head back with a sigh. After a minute or two of silence, Daniel nudged Jack softly in the shoulder. “Nice out here, huh?” he asked. No answer, so he tried again. “Your butt must be getting numb though. Are you going to need help up with those old knees of yours?” 

Daniel’s tone was lighthearted, even more so than with their usual banter, so he was surprised when Jack still didn’t acknowledge him. And his surprised only deepened when he turned and saw tears trailing down Jack’s face. Jack pulled up his legs and rested his head on his arms. “I knew I would hate this goddammed planet. Even before we came here. Goddammit!” 

OK, Jack was upset, that was to be expected. But he was also pissed, which didn’t really make sense. Daniel knew it wasn’t really at the planet of Celian. Obviously, today’s events had been an unpleasant reminder of old hurts, loss and Jack’s own brush with suicidal tendencies. And, knowing Jack, he was probably uncomfortable about opening up earlier. Not that Alec would probably remember anything, but…Daniel would, and that would bother Jack. Daniel didn’t want this to become a “thing” between them either. He had intended to try to jolly Jack out of this mood, but now he wasn’t sure. He opened and closed his mouth several times while attempting to find something to say, but Jack beat him to it. 

“I’m sorry Daniel.” The words were muffled by Jack’s buried head.

“Sorry? Why are you sorry?”

“Christ Daniel,” Jack raised his head and stared at Daniel. “For starters, how about for acting like a teenage girl.”

Daniel shook his head, confused. Jack had prevented Alec from killing himself earlier, what about that that was acting like a…then, all of a sudden, he got it. “Do you mean by crying?”

“Jesus Daniel. Do you always have to say things?” Jack’s head was back in his arms.

“It’s what I do, remember.” Daniel leaned forward and nudged Jack again. “Besides, I’m got a few crying jags on you anyway. Not that anyone is counting.” Daniel congratulated himself when heard Jack’s muffled chuckle. 

Daniel continued, needing Jack to hear what he said. “You did good today Jack. And I know I probably can’t even imagine how hard it was to have that conversation. But you did really good. I think Alec is going to be ok, especially with Danak watching over him. I think they love each other very much.”

Jack chuckled again, but it wasn’t as nice this time. “Good for them” he said in a tone Daniel couldn’t read. 

“Does it still bother you?” Daniel asked.

“What? Jack sat back with an inhaled breath and scrubbed at his face.

“That they are two men?”

Jack’s laugh was definitely bitter this time. Daniel squinted at him, again confused.

Quietly, Jack looked straight ahead and said, “I’m the last person around here to be passing judgment on that.”

“Well that usually doesn’t stop you.” Daniel tried to keep his tone light.

Jack shifted to rise. “Daniel, I can’t have this conversation now.”

“Umm, what conversation is that? Daniel put a hand on Jack’s arm to stop his escape. Jack couldn’t meet his eyes. “Jaaack... What conversation?”

God, no one could push his buttons like Daniel. Well if you want the truth Dannyboy,… “the one where I tell you…” But, then Jack looked up and stopped. He faced most things bravely, but not this. This could not happen. Jack snapped his mouth closed and stood to push past. But Daniel was quicker, on his feet in an instant and barring the way.

“Where you tell me what Jack?”

Daniel’s face was so open, so kind, Jack could only open and close his mouth, his face red with frustration and embarrassment. 

“Where you tell me what? Come on, you know I’ll never let it go ‘til I get it out of you. Tell me now.” Daniel’s hand was on Jack’s bicep, his long fingers warm and caressing.

It was moment of truth time. Every fiber in Jack’s body willed him to cut and run, push past Daniel and never talk about this again. Just one more mystery in the long, strange relationship between Jack O’Neill and Daniel Jackson. But, as usual, at the last minute, Jack discovered that he could not lie to Daniel. Instead, he raised his head and said with all the defiance he could muster, “Where I tell you I’m in love with you.” Then he slapped Daniel’s arm aside and stalked into the darkness of the interior rooms.

So he didn’t see Daniel smile in the last rays of evening sunlight.

 

……………………….

Jack so needed to be out of here now. He wanted nothing but to put as much distance as possible between himself and Daniel and this fuckup of colossal proportions. Words could not express the depth of his own stupidity, his embarrassment, his need to kill something, right now. But of course the goddamn Celians were so goddamn nice that he couldn’t even find anyone to vent at in the goddamn darkening streets of the Celian capital. So Jack stalked along, muttering to himself and, for the first time in a long time, completely unsure of what he was going to do. He was saving killing himself as a last resort. The irony of having recently talked someone out of this was not lost on him. For Christ’s sake.

For sure, no immediate solution to the huge problem he had just created was jumping out at him. It was this planet, it had to be. He tried never to talk about anything, but since arriving, he been doing nothing but have personal conversations. And look where that got him! His feelings about Daniel, Jack snorted as he thought that one over. Before he had even a chance to decide what to do about that gorilla in the living room, what pops out of his mouth, “I’m in love with you.” Jesus Christ. Jack’s cheeks flamed again at the thought. He slowed and angled towards a bench at the edge of large park. The walking was making his knees hurt. 

Jack dropped to the bench and leaned forward with his face in his hands. God, if only it wasn’t true, it would be a lot easier to get out of this mess. He hadn’t ruled out the “something on the alien planet made me do it” defense for when Daniel cornered him for an explanation. And Daniel would, of course, want to talk. But the real problem was, it was true. He loved Daniel, and had, for a long time. He had just never recognized it. He had known that they “connected” on some level, but also that they bugged the shit out of each other and totally disagreed a lot of the time. But Jack couldn’t deny that Daniel was a touchstone for him, he had to have Daniel around for the world to feel right. The year Daniel was gone. God, a walking goddamn nightmare, every day. Jack had wanted to touch him so much after he came back, he realized now that he had stopped doing it at all. But Daniel-watching, surreptitious or no, had become a major past time. Usually it was couched as keeping an eye on him during missions. But sometimes he lost it when Daniel was holding a coffee cup, or turning the pages of a book. He recognized those feelings now for what they were, the heart-stopping, stomach sinking feeling he got sometimes when he watched Daniel being Daniel. It was love. How pathetic was that. Daniel must be laughing his ass off somewhere, if he wasn’t pissed as hell. You never knew with Daniel. Except that you knew he would always want to talk.

Jack had to decide on a course of action for the next few days. Then, out of here and home, he could think about long term. This new information ran counter to everything he believed about his place in the world, his career in the Air Force, his life as a man. But he just couldn’t face that right now. For the time being, he needed a strategy to deal with Daniel. Avoidance was, of course, the go to plan. Daniel would be busy the next few days with the Regent returning tomorrow and talks getting underway. Jack wouldn’t be needed much and he could send Carter along to the meetings. Then he could use his icy Colonel mode for any unavoidable interactions. Jack prided himself being able send out “don’t mess with me” vibes. However this strategy was less effective on Daniel than anyone he had ever met. Daniel could not be scared off, but maybe Jack could make him think twice about opening a discussion over the next couple of days. That all he could hope for now.

It was dark when Jack rose and began to retrace his steps. He had walked farther than he remembered and it was deserted and silent in the palace halls. He paused at the door to his room listening for signs that Daniel might be waiting inside. Nothing. He entered quietly in case Daniel had fallen asleep waiting for him. Nope. The room was empty and dark, except for a lantern left burning. The door between his room and Daniel’s was shut. Jack moved to the door and listened. Nothing. Daniel must have fallen asleep early after today’s events. Good, tomorrow would be a long day for him. Jack pressed one hand to the door, turned, and was in bed in record time. 

On his side of the doorway, Daniel heard Jack’s footsteps, quiet as they were, enter the adjacent room. After an hour of tossing and turning, he had pulled his blanket and pillows over to the connecting doorway and settled down, trying to fall asleep while half listening for Jack’s return. He had a moment of panic as Jack approach the doorway, he had not considered that Jack would look in on him, and his current bedtime arrangements would be difficult to explain. But after a moment, Jack moved off, and then a few minutes later, the light from the lantern Daniel had lit went out under the doorway. Jack was back safe and now Daniel could fall asleep. “Good night Jack” he said in a whisper, reaching out to touch the doorway between them.

……….

It was easy to avoid Daniel during the days that followed. In Jack’s mind, a little too easy. Daniel had been busy, meeting with the Regent and his ambassadors during the day. In the evenings there had been a series of receptions and dinners, but these were large events and there were enough people around that they had not really crossed paths. Jack wondered if Daniel was avoiding him. And then wondered if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Then he wondered why he was wondering and decided to knock off thinking about it. 

Their one interaction had been a surprise. Jack had expected something from Daniel, nervousness, embarrassment, maybe even anger, he wasn’t sure what. But when they both turned to take a drink from a tray and found themselves staring at one another, Jack saw none of these things in Daniel’s eyes. Jack wasn’t even sure that Daniel would make eye contact when they met, but there he was, looking straight at Jack and asking “How’s it been going.” It took all the courage he could muster, but Jack returned the gaze, trying not to get lost in the blue, and said, “Fine, it’s been going….. fine.” He sounded a lot more nervous than Daniel looked. Jack shifted his gaze, but all he saw in Daniel’s eyes was kindness and a twinkle that could have been laughter. But Daniel didn’t seem to be laughing at him. 

They parted quickly after this exchange, but Jack came away confused and a little wary. Daniel seemed neither embarrassed nor angry. Maybe he was just going to just forget about Jack’s unfortunate confession and make like it never happened. This would be great, but was too good, and too un-Daniel-like, to be true. So Jack sweated out the last days of the conference waiting for the hammer to drop. Just one more day and they could leave this rotten planet and, if Jack had any say in it, never, ever come back.

The last banquet, hosted personally by the Regent, was small and formal, with only select dignitaries, SG-1 and members of the royal family in attendance. Jack had made sure that SG-1 walked down together, so he could keep the banter light and stay away from Daniel. When they entered the banquet room, he was surprised to see that both Alec and Danak were there. He had heard that Alec had been feeling better and had even attended some of the last negotiation sessions. That was good news, but he hadn’t seen him since the awful encounter in Alec’s rooms. He hoped Alec wouldn’t want to talk about that, it wasn’t really the time or place, and Jack certainly didn’t want to re-open the events of that day with Daniel around. So Jack had another entry on his list of people to avoid for the evening. He hoped Teal’c was up for some company, because Carter was already off talking with a group of Celian scientists and Daniel had headed straight over to where Alec and Danak were standing. “Drinks Teal’c!” he said, “time for drinks,” and steered the big man toward the bar.

Jack was standing by himself sometime later, leaning against the wall holding his untouched drink when he saw someone approaching at the edge of his vision. It wasn’t Daniel or Alec, who Jack had been watching at the time, so Jack was betting on Danak. They had not seen each other since that crappy day either, and Jack wasn’t too pleased about having to talk now. “Colonel O’Neill” the young man said at his elbow, a second after Jack realized it was too late to run for it. Jack took a sip of this drink before answering. “Danak”, he said, without turning his head, “how’s it going?”

“I wanted to let you know that Alec does not remember much about the day he...about that day he was so upset.” This came out in a quiet rush.

“Not much for small talk huh?” Jack snapped. God, of course this was going to be unpleasant. There was a long pause before Danak spoke again.

“I’m sorry Colonel O’Neill, we haven’t spent much time together, but I thought that… you would not like me…taking time with excess conversation. I’m sorry if I offended you.” Danak bowed his head slightly, and began to move off.

For crying out loud, he couldn’t torture the kid. “Danak, your right, your right. I didn’t mean to be rude, I just…I have some things on my mind. What did you want to tell me?” Jack tried hard to get the cranky out of his voice. 

Then, he looked at Danak for the first time and saw the young man flash a small smile. He looked fit and happy, and the anxiety Jack had sensed in him from the day they first met seemed to have evaporated. It was infectious and Jack relaxed a little. “Well” Danak said in a rush “in case you were worried that he would bring it up, or offended because he has not said something, I thought I would let you know that Alec doesn’t remember very well what happened in his quarters. He doesn’t know that he should be thanking you. But I wanted to.” Danak’s voice faltered just slightly over his last words and when Jack looked over, he saw that the green eyes were bright. “Thank you for what you’ve done for us.” Danak stepped forward and held Jack in the letac. Jack let him, and felt himself relax into the embrace. He patted Danak’s back as they parted.

“No charge.” He said, smiling. Are the two of you…getting along ok?” Jack couldn’t for the life of him figure out why he was prolonging this conversation, but he could help it.

“We are getting along just fine.” Jack could have sworn that Danak was almost ready to giggle. No wonder the kid and Daniel got along so well. 

“Alec is feeling much better, in… in all ways.”

“I’m glad.” Jack said, and he meant it. They stood for a moment, Danak turning to look at Alec while Jack looked at Daniel. 

“I am sorry we have taken Daniel away from you so much these last few days.”

This made Jack a little nervous. He cleared his throat and straightened a bit. “Well, Daniel has a job to do here.”

“I have seen him at work, he is a skilled negotiator. And he makes people feel very at ease.”

Jack chuckled a little. “Yah, that seems to have become part of his job too.” 

“Watching over is a difficult job as well.” It was something that Danak probably knew well, and Jack couldn’t argue with him.

“With Daniel, you bet it is. He has his own opinions about things, and he doesn’t always listen real well to what I tell him.”

“I think you are wrong there Colonel. I think Daniel listens well to every word you say.”

“What do you mean?” Jack was on his guard again.

“He notices every word you speak, even if you don’t realize it, just as he is not aware that you watch him all the time. Has it always been this way with the two of you?”

Jack started to open his mouth to protest this characterization of his interactions with Daniel. But then he sighed and dropped his head. “Yah,” he said, “I guess it has been.”

“I someday I hope you both can look and listen to each other.” Alec said quietly.

Jack looked Danak in surprise, but he couldn’t think of a thing to say.

“ I wish you the best Colonel O’Neill.”

And then Danak was gone. Leaving Jack feeling lonely. Lonely and very old.

……………………………..

In the time it took to walk from the banquet hall to their quarters, Jack managed to piss off Carter so badly that she walked into her room without a word and slammed the door behind her.

“What’s her problem?” Jack said to Teal’c and Daniel, who stood in the hallway, glaring. Daniel opened his mouth to speak, but Teal’c beat him to it. 

“Perhaps, O’Neill, it is the fact that you just now spoke to Major Carter in a most insulting and condescending manner. I believe this is known as “acting like a jackass.” 

Daniel stifled a grim chuckle of agreement.

“Well Teal’c,” Jack said firmly, “that’s just too bad. She needed to hear it.”

“Then I believe you accomplished what you set out to do O’Neill.” 

Teal’c turned to Daniel. “DanielJackson, I bid you goodnight.” Then he walked down the hall, entered his room and closed the door the door with a soft click.

Jack brought every ounce of menace into his gaze and stared hard at Daniel. “Well?” he asked, hands on his hips, as much challenge in his voice as he could manage.

“What he said…” Daniel returned, gesturing in Teal’c direction and glaring back hard at Jack. Then he turned, entered his quarters, and shut the door.

“I am so popular tonight.” Jack said loud enough that he hoped at least one of them heard. Then he too entered his room.

Jack closed the door behind him and leaned back with a sigh before he realized that he was not alone. Daniel was sitting there dark. Holy Hell!

Jack straightened immediately. “You know I’ve killed people for sneaking up on me like that” he said, turning to light the lantern by the doorway. “You should watch yourself.”

“Jack, how long are you going to keep this up?” Daniel’s voice was firm, but gentle.

Jack did not return the favor. “What the hell are you talking about Daniel?” he snapped, moving to straighten some books on a side table that did not need straightening.

“How long are you going to keep kicking other people around because you’re pissed at yourself and embarrassed?” There was no heat, no judgment in Daniel’s voice.

So close. He’d almost made it off this goddamm planet without another “conversation.”

Jack moved even farther from Daniel, still not looking his direction, and went for a diversion. “Look Daniel, I’m tired, you’re tired and we’re leaving tomorrow. How about we go to sleep… wake up….and go home.” Jack hoped this sounded commanding and not desperate.

“No, Jack.”

“No? No, Daniel? Actually, Daniel, I think yes. Stop talking to me and go to bed.” Jack pointed towards Daniels room. That should do it. Daniel should be pissed enough now to storm off and spare him. 

“You can’t scare me off Jack, and you can’t order me off, so you’re going to have to talk to me. I think we’re overdue.” 

Jesus Christ, what was he now, a mind reader in addition to being the most aggravating man on several planets. And Daniel kept his voice neutral, giving Jack no excuse to avoid the subject by further hysterical escalation. So Jack just stood there in the dim light, fiddling with some doo-dad on an end table, wishing he was dead. 

After a lengthy pause, Daniel spoke again. “You said you’re in love with me…” It was not a question, but an opening. But Jack still didn’t know what to say. Another long pause followed until Daniel spoke again. “Is that true?”

“Look Daniel I think this is a really bad idea. Can’t you just drop it?” Jack sounded petulant in his own ears, like a child trying to get out of an unpleasant task.

“Nooo, we can’t just drop it Jack. You told me you’re in love with me, that’s kind of a hard thing to just forget.”

“We could try.”

“Is it true Jack?”

The pause was so long that Daniel thought Jack might never answer him. But he waited. He couldn’t see Jack’s face in the dim light, but he knew Jack was not looking at him anyway. Jack just stood there, still and mute.

Finally, in a voice so faint that Daniel could barely hear, Jack croaked out, “Yah, it’s true.” And then a stronger, with more defiance, “So now what are we going to do?”

Daniel again refused to take the up challenge in Jack’s voice. He kept his voice calm and neutral, “Well, I have a couple of questions I’d like to ask you.”

“Of course you do” Jack said. He was not giving up yet on provoking a fight.

“I’m not going to fight with you Jack, so you can stop with the sarcasm. We need to discuss this because I need to know what’s going on here.”

Jack didn’t have a response for this. He dropped into the chair next to the end table.

“So ask your questions.”

“OK. So when did you realize…this?”

Again, a huge pause while Jack collected what he could of his thoughts. “A few days ago, before Alec’s meltdown. That’s when I realized that…that something was going on. It scared the shit out of me. Then it was all I could think about and a lot of things made sense. Shit.” Jack stopped abruptly. One question and he’d already said too much.

“Like what?”

“What?” Jack pulled back from his thoughts.

“What things made sense?”

Jack put his head in his hands for a moment. When he looked up, it was the first time he looked directly at Daniel. Daniel could sense this, even though he couldn’t see Jack’s face. But the darkness seemed to be making it easier for Jack to talk.

“I watch you Daniel.” Daniel had not heard Jack’s voice sound like this in a long time. Not since their early days on Abydos when Daniel had broken through all Jack’s bluster and self hatred and made him talk. Jack sounded defeated and scared. But he continued. 

“I watch you all the time. When you read, and drink coffee…and fall asleep on the couch. I never knew why. I thought it was because you were a civilian on the team and need watching over. But it’s more than that. I… I realized a few days ago,…I do it because it makes me happy.”

“What else?”

“When I realized this… Jesus Daniel, why do you want to hear this?”

“Indulge me.”

“OK. It’s your funeral.” Jack cleared his throat at his lame attempt at humor and continued. 

“When I realized how…happy it made me to have you around, I started to realize why I stopped…”

“Jack?”

“Daniel, I can’t…” Jack sounded desperate, his voice a strangled rasp. “It’s too bad, it’s too wrong and I can’t.”

“You can Jack. It’s just me sitting here. And I want to hear what you have to say.”

Jack leaned forward in the chair and put his face in his hands. “I stopped touching you” he said through his hands. “I stopped touching you after you came back from being glowy. And I know now it was because I wanted to so much. I want to hold you,” Jack’s voice was breaking now, “and I don’t know what to do about that.”

Daniel waited.

Jack continued in a choked voice. “I am so sorry Danny. I don’t know what came over me that night on the balcony. I didn’t mean to say what I did, it just came out. I’ve been thinking this planet was to blame, because I had only just figured it out myself. I had planned on sorting things out after we got home, deciding what I was going to do without telling you. But I fucked it up, of course, like I always do.” Jack shoulders shook as he tried to not to sob. But he managed whisper “I’m sorry if I’ve made you hate me.”

Daniel had heard enough. Before Jack took another breath, he was kneeling beside him, his arms around Jack’s bowed shoulders. Jack tried to turn away, his head still in his hands, but Daniel didn’t let go. He just hugged Jack closer, whispering, “It’s ok Jack, it’s ok.”

It took a while, but Jack eventually calmed enough so that Daniel felt better about easing his grip. His shirt was wet when Jack pulled back and Jack put his hand to the spot. “I’m sorry Daniel” he said, his voice still full of emotion, “I got your shirt all wet.” Daniel patted him and smiled. “Well that’s better than the drool I usually leave on you.” Jack chuckled at that, which Daniel figured was a sign he was recovering himself. But he still hadn’t looked Daniel in the eye. Then Daniel realized that he hadn’t yet said anything in response to Jack’s confession, Jack was still waiting for a response…

“Jack, I…” 

“Look Daniel…” They both spoke at once. Daniel saw that Jack’s face had hardened slightly, which frightened him a little. 

“No Jack, you talked. Now you get to listen.” Without letting go of Jack’s hand, Daniel toed a chair close enough so that they could sit facing each other. Jacks face was red and swollen and he kept his head low. Daniel placed his other hand over Jack’s hand, moving his thumb in gentle circles. He felt Jack relax, just slightly.

“Jack I’m sorry I left you alone with this over these last few days.”

Jack looked up, his brow wrinkled and confusion showing in his face. Daniel smiled one of his small, half-smiles and Jack looked even more confused.

“I didn’t know if you would let yourself... If you could get past… well everything and realize how much… how good we are together. I’ve loved you for so long Jack, but I didn’t know if you would let yourself love me back.”

“Daniel…” Jack managed to croak out, his face still blank with confusion.

“I’m not finished Jack.” Daniel held up a hand. “So I’m sorry I let you struggle through this, especially the last few days. After what happened on the balcony, I thought I could let you alone to work it out. But I saw how it was going to be, here on Celian and then at home. You would run from me. And then I realized, how could you decide anything without knowing how I felt?” Daniel paused and smiled. “Sometimes I can be a little slow on the uptake.”

Jack snorted his laughter and snuck a glance up at Daniel. 

“So here I am. You are not alone in this. I love you. And I want us to be together.”

“Dan..”

“Yes, Jack I know it’s clichéd and sappy. And so is my notion that we can work this out, that somehow we can have what we want. But sometimes clichés can be true. If you want them to be. Do you want this Jack?” Daniel’s eyes were shimmering with unshed tears, the blue so deep that Jack wanted to fall into them forever.

“Yah Danny” he whispered. “I want this too.”  
……….  
They woke in the same bed the next morning, deep in each others arms, and neither one of them felt the need to sneak off.


End file.
